Are Whales Useful For Anything Besides Eating?

Everyone knows that Whale meat is the most nourishing and tasty substance known to man.

But what about the parts of the Whale that can't readily be eaten?

For example, the the bones, teeth and baleen (the hairy long things that replace the teeth in the really hideous whales.)

These parts are best given to young children to gnaw and suck on in place of a pacifier. Why would you put a piece of boring sillicone in your child's mouth when you can give him or her all sorts of vitamins and minerals from that tasty whale marrow!

In fact most nutritionists now agree that breast milk may be substituted with ground up Whale bones and that children given at least three serves of whale product a day will have an IQ of at least 15 points higher on average than non whale eating infants.

What about the skin? You can eat it but it's a little tough for some folk (not me!) Instead why not make the woman in your life a unique Whale skin purse? Or make your man in your life a stylishly ironic Whale skin harpoon carrying bag.

My favorite non edible part is the Whale's bile duct. You'll get at least 200 liters of bile out of most Whales. I take that bile and boil it up till it becomes a sticky black tar like paste.

Take this paste with you on your next Whaling outing. If you see any of those Sea Shepard of Greenpeace morons approach the ship then set a barrel of it on fire and tip it overboard at them. The damned stuff is like napalm! It never stops burning and it can't be removed from human skin!!

Let me know what other things you can do with the components of a dead Whale.