I'm often asked for my opinion about what to do with beached Whales.
It's a cause for celebration when any Whale commits suicide, but merriment must give way to serious consideration when a Whale carcass becomes available.
Some people believe that if a Whale swims its way up on to a beach that it must be sick or poisoned and therefore unfit for consumption. That's a good point and I tend to agree, however in some cases the Whale is simply lost or confused (i.e. The Whale is stupid, which is most of the time for most of the Whales.)
To determine what the situation is you need to call on the help of the local moonbat environmentalists.
"What's this?" you say! "Tell the greeny hippies about the Whale? But they'll try to save it!"
That's precisely the point!! The unwashed minions will invariably attempt to re-float the Whale and head it out to sea. If it turns back in to the shore, then it's sick and you should only use it for lantern oil and Whale ivory.
However if it swims out to sea again, then you'll be sure that the Whale isn't toxic. This is where you come in.
Hang a Greenpeace flag over the label of your ship (which is probably something like Whale-Mincer or Harpooning Princess). Then as the Whale starts to head out, sail in and "intercept" the Whale claiming it needs special care at your Greenpeace floating Whale hospital. No one will question you. No one questions anything those Greenpeace terrorists do.
The ruse is especially effective if you wait till your ship is a few kilometers away from the beach before you start skinning and filleting the Whale.
Let me know in the comments if there are any other ways of taking advantage of Whales in distress.
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